James Potter and the Game of Two Horribles
by Clewlessfanfiction
Summary: It had seemed an easy choice; answering a seemingly harmless, (albeit terribly interesting) question, but at that point Sirius had underestimated the power of The Game. And he'd certainly underestimated James Potter. Sirius/Remus and James/Lily on the side. Plus a little bit of Peter/food.
1. The Game

**Disclaimer:** The characters belongs to the lovely J.K. Rowling, NOT ME. I just worship her, them and the universe she has created. I make no profit and I only do this for fun (and because I am experiencing horrible withdrawal-issues!)

**Warnings:** None, except a LOT of rambling. But hey, that's what you get for writing from a certain person's POV.

**Author's Note:** I'm working on two stories at the moments, so I'm not sure when this will be updated, but I plan to do it as soon as possible. SIRIUSLY. Please enjoy - and do note that english is not my primary language. Any misspellings or errors are apologized for in advance. Reviews makes me giggly. HAVE FUN.

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If James Potter deemed it to be a brilliant idea, then it most likely wasn't.

Ever since their first day at Hogwarts – where James been convinced that using Peter as live bait to attract the Giant Squid would be a perfect way to start ones magical education – the boy had been a catalyzer for trouble and a rather unstable one at that.

True, he was a formidable wizard; this because he was anything but stupid and because he, if he should lack theoretical knowledge or skills, compensated with creativity and freakish determination. He was never one to back down, not even when all the odds were against him – which they were, most of the time – and the harder a task seemed, the greater was his pleasure. James Potter was, to be honest, quite the adrenaline junkie.

Nonetheless, his endeavors often resulted in greatness.

For instance, the idea of becoming animagi had worked out perfectly and even if it couldn't really be classified as a _good_ idea, considering the extreme risks that were taken, it had made the world a slightly better place. At least if you were to ask Sirius (which you should, considering the fact that the plan had only been carried out because James Potter had friends who were almost as mental as he was and who didn't mind having terrible dangers thrown into the mix).

In fact, James Potter's friends were all troublemakers, and proud ones at that. They all had their moments of insanity and neither of them were unaccustomed to devilish ideas. Still, Sirius was pretty sure at least fifty percent of the Marauders' escapades – no wait, sixty sounds more reasonable – was either directly or indirectly the result of James Potter's dubious mind and this had it's disadvantages.

See, even if James' plans were brilliant, they also frequently came with a hatch and the truth was that any so called "brilliant" idea of his was more often than not synonymous with A) severe bodily harm (often in the form of a colorful hex performed by a certain Lily Evans) or public humiliation,  
B) hideous side-effects, or C) detention.

Option C was the most common, something which had resulted in more than one occasional trip to the Forbidden Forest with Hagrid, a lot of charity work around the castle and Sirius was pretty sure he could tell the different kinds of molds growing in Filch's robes from one another with his nose. All in all the Marauders had probably spent more time in detention than in actual classes and from that gained the nickname "The Hogwarts Restoration Squad", given to them by a rather dry-faced Professor McGonagall one evening she had passed them in the Great Hall polishing silverware.

(Sirius wasn't particularly fond of silverware, by the way. Firstly because the stuff was practically acid to another best mate of his, Remus Lupin, (him being a werewolf and whatnot), and secondly because it reminded him of his Mother, whom he'd rather not think about unless he got a hard-on in class and wanted it to go away. Fortunately, polishing silverware at Hogwarts wasn't as bad as it could have been, seeing as Remus – whenever they were called upon to do so – was mysteriously presented with a pair of magical gloves; gloves looking suspiciously like the ones Dumbledore used to wear at the Annual Pumpkin Feast where the headmaster himself split the first pumpkin. Peter even claimed they smelled like pumpkin juice, something which made it a fact, seeing as one did not quarrel with the nose of Peter Pettigrew.)

Anyways, back to James Potter and his mischievous ways. (They are, after all, the entire basis for this story.) 

As stated, Sirius Black, commonly known as Padfoot, eldest son of Orion and Walburga of the ancient, most noble House Black, self-proclaimed world-champion in whatever-there-is-to-be-champion-in, and well-known prankster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was normally delighted with anything James had to present and would always be the first to rate the idea as superb. Sirius had always been a supporter of James Potter and his creative mind – partly because he was an incorrigible rebel and partly due to the fact that it was his duty as best mate – and to this date he still hadn't passed up on the opportunity to join James in his craze.

He and James were often accused of sharing a brain and Remus used to say that it was rather creepy really, how they managed to finish each other's sentences when "the sentences doesn't even make sense half of the time" and that if an idea for a prank made them both forget about insulting Snivellus at breakfast, then the idea was probably madness. In these situations, Sirius would place his arm around the werewolf's shoulder, flutter his lashes in an obscene way and ask him in a whiny voice why he didn't love him anymore, to which Remus would reply with a snort that both Sirius and James were complete wankers, much to James' dismay. ("Hey, what did I do?!")

In reality though, Remus was probably right pairing them together like that, because as far as Sirius was concerned, he and James did share a brain. In fact, their morphed minds were the best thing that had happened since the creation of butterbeer and was destined to save the world at some point. Therefore, making sure the connection wasn't broken was highly important, as the entire universe (unknowingly or not) depended on it.  
Remus could say what he wanted, but would sooner or later have to bite the dust, seeing as the day would come where he too would be in severe need of James Potter, Sirius Black and their insane ideas, the traitor. Besides, if you were to ask Sirius again, which you should, _again_, he would probably say that any idea of James was an idea of his, simply because nothing _too_ bad could come of it. That's how it had always been and how it would always be.

This, _however_, is the story of that one time when James Potter came up with an idea that wasn't only bad, but had side-effects of the kind that would affect the lives of Sirius Black and a certain "traitor" forever. It all started with a game.

"Oi, Padfoot! Would you rather willingly catch fire in the Great Hall, or ask McGonagall to attend the yule-ball with you?"

It had seemed an easy choice; answering a seemingly harmless, (albeit terribly interesting) question, but at that point Sirius had underestimated the power of The Game.

The next day he was transfigured into a chandelier at dinner.

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**A/N:** Hopefully, you all noticed the "traitor" here is Remus, not the TRAITOR. Haha. Just felt like I needed to point that out.


	2. The Challenge

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters and I intend no harm!  
**Warning:** None, except maybe a little cursing.

**Author's Note:** Sorry about the late update. I've been hospitalized so I'm forgiven I believe. I know it's short, but I needed to get some explaining done. Hereafter, there will be more progress in the story, as the Game continues and hopefully, we all know where it'll end up. Love to all. And reviews are highly appreciated!

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Sirius Black was raging.

Stalking ahead of his friends as if he was a rhino going into battle, he climbed the stairs leading to the Gryffindor Common Room, practically fuming as he went, pushing aside anyone who was unfortunate enough to cross his path. Even Peeves, who was out for blood this evening, stopped his ministrations to stare at him as he stomped by and Sirius thought he heard the poltergeist mutter something under his breath sounding suspiciously like "chandelier", but before he could react, the little man was off, most likely to bother some unfortunate student on his way back from the Great Hall.

Sirius actually hoped he would succeed. He was pretty sure the entire school had just laughed at him, (maybe apart from Moony) so whatever mischief Peeves was up to, he couldn't find it in his heart to feel sorry for whoever was to be involved.

Only half an hour ago he'd been standing in the Great Hall bearing the appearance of a bronze chandelier (after a certain Minerva McGonagall had decided he'd look better as a wallflower than as himself) and he had just regained the feeling in his arms after having held them up for an entire evening – fingers having been aflame no less. He'd been standing there for hours on end and hadn't been transfigured back before The Great Hall was nearly emptied and the night sky was dark and starry, clearly visible through the enchanted ceiling. His back was stiff as a wooden plank and his feet were aching from the blisters the hot wax had left, making it rather painful to walk.

The moment he'd been released he'd stormed off, ignoring both his friends and Nearly Headless Nick (who in the spirit of true Renaissance chivalry, had offered to walk him back to the Common Room), barely controlling the need to turn into Padfoot and just run, anywhere, away. He could still hear Remus calling his name behind him, but his voice was drowned by the sound of James' and Peter's laughter, something which only sparked his anger further.

"Sirius, wait!"

"Hell no," he growled while speeding up, cursing the fact that apparition was impossible inside Hogwarts.

Taking the last couple of steps in one leap, he practically threw himself through the portrait hole (after being reprimanded by the Fat Lady (_"Language, Mister Black! Language!"_) for adding a few creative syllables to the password) and collapsed against the wall beside the fireplace.

The Common Room was empty, aside from a few first years doing their homework. They looked up at his arrival and he thought he heard one of them whisper something along the lines of "that's him!" to which the rest sniggered. He shot them a murderous glare, but before he was able to say anything, he heard the rest of the Marauders enter behind him.

He spun around and faced them.

James was practically was crooked with laughter and in the light from the fire he looked slightly possessed, eyes ablaze and hair wilder than usual. Peter, who was walking beside him, looked just as silly, doubled over and with traces of the sauce he'd spilled when Sirius popped the question to McGonagall still visible on his robes. Remus had entered last and he was eyeing Sirius with an alarmed expression, face ashen with worry. For an instant, Sirius almost forgot his own anger, as seeing Remus like that always did something to him; he couldn't stand it when something bothered him.

"Sirius, are you all right?" He asked, but was abruptly cut off by James, who was making a sound similar to that of a whistling teapot. This made Sirius' body seize up and again he was boiling. Remus and his concern would have to wait.

"Prongs, you git!" He all but screeched at James, causing the group of first-years to jump mile-high and scurry out of the Common Room. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me you'd put a spell on that stupid game?"

James looked up to meet his eyes and while he seemed completely unbothered by the extreme display of decibel, Peter slowly stepped away from him and went to stand near Remus in the background.

"Are you completely mental?" Sirius continued, not caring if the entire castle heard him, "what if I'd decided to catch fire?!"

"Oh, Padfoot," James managed to wheeze, paying no attention to his deserting comrade; he was by now laughing so hard he had problems standing. "If you'd seen the look on McGonagall's face when you asked her!" He clutched his stomach with both hands. "It's the funniest thing I have ever-"

"Fun?! If that's your idea of fun, you're even stupider than you look! Dueling with Voldemort is probably more fun than what I just went through! Have you got any idea of how much pain I'm in right now?! And I'm not just talking about my ego – my entire body hurts, you sorry excuse of a squib! And-" Sirius looked down, pointing dramatically at his wax-covered feet, "my shoes are ruined! Completely, fucking ruined! I'll have you know they are brand new!"

James didn't seem too broken by that particular piece of information. He didn't even look down.

"Merlin's beard," he exclaimed instead, slapping a hand to his face, "I had no idea she was that fast! Did you see the speed of her arm?!" He made a poor attempt at imitating McGonagall. "Swish! And the look on your face when she pulled out her wand-" he flopped down in one of the cushioned armchairs and threw his head back, barking like a madman, "you looked as though you were facing impending doom!"

"Which I was!" Sirius shouted back, ignoring the way his imagination tugged at his sleeve, willing him to imagine how he must have looked. Peter and Remus looked like they were watching a ping-pong game, heads turning rapidly back and forth between the two of them.

"I swear to god, Potter, if it wasn't for the fact that I can't stand the thought of being without your dear mother's apple pie for the rest of my life, I would have hexed you into oblivion by now!"

James didn't even flinch. He just kept on laughing. A rather ear-piercing laugh, if you were to ask Sirius.

"Oh come on, it could have been worse."

"Worse?! How?!"

"Well, she could have transfigured you into a blugder. As I recall, she's threatened to do so a couple of times already."

"She should have! At least then I could have made sure you never saw tomorrow!"

"Aw, Padfoot, don't be such a party pooper." James rolled his eyes and Sirius felt the need to strangle him. "It's not like you wouldn't have done the same thing to me, given the opportunity."

"Given the opportunity, I'd feed you to a Norwegian Ridgeback, you wanker!"

"That's just harsh!"

"Harsh? Take your wand out and I'll show you harsh!"

James merely shrugged. "You're welcome to try."

"Oh, don't worry, I will!" Sirius assured him, stomping over to sit by the fireplace, as far away from James as possible. "Unlike you though, I'm going to take the matter into my own hands and not let an old woman do my dirty work. You're gonna regret this, mark my words!"

It wasn't the first time they'd spoken to each other like this. No, he and James had probably tried to wipe one another from the face of the earth a couple hundred times since attending Hogwarts; They competed in everything, offended each other daily and argued like a married couple over the smallest, most insignificant trifle. This time, however, the git had taken it too far and Sirius was not about to let it slide easily. Oh, no, he would pay for this, one way or another.

He glared at James, suddenly wishing he'd been able to perform Legilimency so that James could see what was in store for him. However, since he could do nothing of the sort, he settled with a grimace he thought ought to reflect the essence of it.

"Just out of curiosity," Remus interrupted quietly and both Sirius and James jumped.

Sirius hadn't noticed that he'd moved and was surprised to find him sitting right beside him on the floor beside the mantelpiece. Peter too had sat down, although he was sitting in a chair next to James (screw him and his James Potter Fan-Club) and had sunk so deep into the cushions that his nose was barely visible above the curve of his stomach.

The Common Room was now entirely empty besides the four of them. Even the painted figures in the portraits had escaped their frames and the only sound heard was that of his and James' voices.

Remus' voice was soft. "What exactly did you do, James?"

James removed his glasses and wiped at his eyes with his sleeve. "Well," he said matter-of-factly, and glanced over at Sirius, ignoring the daggers flying his way, "you know that spell Frank Longbottom talked about last year? The one based on the same magical structure as the Unbreakable Vow?"

Remus nodded. "Mhm."

A devilish grin formed in James' face and Sirius grudgingly decided he resembled a rather ugly leprechaun. "I did a little research-"

"- And by research you mean you snuck into the Restricted Section at night." Peter cut in, raising a plumb finger.

"Indeed, my dear Wormtail. Ten points to Gryffindor for that extreme display of wit! Anyways, I found a book that explained the mechanics behind the spell and I-"

"- found a way to alter it." Remus finished, sighing. "Why am I not surprised?"

James' grin only widened. He looked far too smug, the tosser, and Sirius felt the need to wipe the smirk off his face with the back of his hand (and he would have done so too, hadn't it been for the fact that his arms were still stiff and somewhat bent in an odd angle). "Because deep down you know there are no limits to my intellect?" He suggested, putting one leg over the other, resting them on the table.

"Yeah," Remus replied dryly, throwing a brief glance at Sirius, "and the full moon is my favorite object. Don't you think you went a little overboard this time?"

"Overboard?"

James placed his arms behind his head, leaning back.

"Nah, I could have done much worse. Actually, I was thinking of asking him whether he'd rather catch fire in The Great Hall or snog Snivellus behind the greenhouse."

At this, Peter giggled furiously, much to Sirius' annoyance.

"Oh great," Remus replied, "then we wouldn't only be having this discussion, but we'd also be sweeping up the ashes of our mate in the process."

Sirius couldn't help but feeling pleased that Remus was at least taking his side in this.

"Moony agrees with me, Prongs," he huffed, "which means you're a total wanker. Everyone knows he's epitome of justice. Tell him, Moony, tell him what an utter douche he is and how Moaning Myrtle is more fun than he is."

Remus heaved a sigh.

"I'm not saying it wasn't funny-"

"Hey!"

"Be quiet, Padfoot." Remus stopped him a wave of his hand and Sirius wondered briefly how someone could sound so authoritarian and be so fragile at the same time. "You'd be laughing just as much had it been one of us." He turned to James. "What I'm saying is you could have at least warned Sirius that you'd enchanted the game. Then he could have agreed to answer, or not."

"But where's the fun in that?" James pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. "Besides, it's not like anyone got hurt."

"Say that to my shoes, you ponce." Sirius muttered grumpily.

They glared at one another for some time, before James finally heaved a sigh and threw his hands up in the air.

"Oh fine," he said, shaking his head exasperatedly. "If it means that much to you, I'll let you have a go at me, all right? I'll teach you how to use the spell on a question and you can ask me whatever you like. That way we'll be even."

"Now, that's a bad idea if I ever heard one."

Remus rubbed at his eyes. "Haven't we already established that this game of yours can be dangerous?"

"Not as dangerous as facing a fully transformed werewolf," Peter argued, winking at Remus who looked pained for a second, "besides, it's only fair, isn't it?"

Sirius was about to tell Peter a thing or two about righteousness, but Remus cut him off, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Just let it go, Padfoot."

Sirius actually considered it.

Well, not so much because of the risks involved, but because he knew James expected him to take the bait. James knew Sirius better than anyone (again, apart from Moony perhaps) and he would know just how much Sirius wanted revenge for what had happened. However… If he told James he wouldn't do it (and simultaneously placed himself on a pedestal of morality, far beyond the git's reach), then maybe James would feel bad about his actions and come to understand what a shitty best mate he was.

Sirius could almost taste the victory of battle on his tongue at the thought of that; James Potter crawling on his hands and knees, asking a stone-faced Sirius for forgiveness, promising never to be such a twat ever again. A valuable lesson would have been learned and James Potter would know better than to mess with his oh-so-mature friend Sirius Black in the future.

On the other hand…

In the end, vengeance got the best of him.

"Fine." He said, flicking hair out of his eyes. "But only if you agree to answer _whatever_ I ask!"

James smiled then and Sirius wondered how he could possibly look so smug when he was about to get the seven bells knocked out of him. (For no doubt, bodily harm was to be anticipated.)

"Sure," he said, eliciting a cheer from Peter, "whatever you ask. Bring it on."

Sirius grinned too then. "Challenge accepted."

Remus was the only one of them who didn't seem overly happy about the whole ordeal, but that was not to be expected either. He was, after all, the epitome of morality.

"Oh boy," he said, getting up, "this is not going to end well."

So that's how it all started really, the game later known as "The Game of Two Horribles" (a name Peter had come up with after a rather fiery discussion upon the matter) and the game that would prove to be the bane of Sirius Black's existence.


End file.
